A couple weeks ago, I started to develop this gnarly rash-type redness on my collarbone. It was one little spot that itched like MAD - and naturally, I obliged every single itch - practically numbing the spot from the constant scratching. The skin wasn't dry or patchy and to the best of my knowledge I hadn't come into contact with anything odd or new in the past days/weeks. I figured, "Eh, oh well," and I just let it go in hopes that it would eventually fade on its own. Not so.
A few days later, it spread all over my neck and to the other side of my collarbone. Gross. Honestly, it was one of the most unsightly things and it drove me to a new level of self-consciousness. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that either A) I was developing excema or B) I was allergic to the necklace I'd worn every single day for the past two years. My luck, it would've been the former. Too stubborn to remove the necklace right away, (Two years! C'mon, it's difficult to break that kind of timeline) I eventually realized that it wasn't getting any better and seemed to itch more at the jewelry's contact points.
Ditched the necklace about a week ago. Two days ago, James said that it looked as if the redness was clearing up. At the time, I didn't see it - but today it's nearly gone from my neck and the point of origin on my collarbone seems to be fading, as well. I think it's safe to say I dodged the excema bullet - which I couldn't be happier about - it's not as if I need yet another medical hurdle to deal with.
Amy: 1
Weird skin redness: 0
In other news, it's 17 days until my PhD application is due. The only thing I have left to complete is the damn letter of intent. I have been struggling for WEEKS to simply tell the English department at WSU why I feel I should be admitted to the program. This is especially retarded for me given the fact that I've only been telling people for the past TWO YEARS why I want to be a graduate student. So - why am I finding it difficult to put this into a 3 page letter? I have a few hypotheses - none of which are helping this letter write itself. The bottom line: My next day off absolutely, without procrastinatory argument, NEEDS to be dedicated to finishing that letter.
I'm serious. *cough*
So - our basement floods pretty bad when we have torrential downpours or ... 7 inches of snow melt in one day. (Yay, Michigan) Well, Grandma is having that all fixed this week - which means we have to tear up our basement in preparation. This means my treadmill is out of commission until it's all over. Sad face.
My actual point in bringing it up is the fact that my uncle has been laboring over tearing the carpet up in the basement nearly the entire evening. He's also cleaning out the space underneath our basement stairs (and finding a lot of awesome old treasures in the process, might I add.) Well, I have one of the most curious cats in existence - if you're doing something, she's gotta have her head in it.
Anyway - I was called to remove Kenobi from underneath the stairs, lest she get locked in there. Well, as I was going to pick her up - she flipped out and attacked me. My cat has never shown her temper to me or any living creature for that matter. Kenobi is incredibly docile, and the terror in her eyes scared the piss out of me. I wasn't mad that she clawed the fuck out of my leg, but rather I was upset that she was frightened. I spent a moment contemplating what could've freaked her out so badly - but then my mind began to wander into the territory of the supernatural and I immediately aborted that mental mission. The jury will always be out when it comes to ghosts and all that jazz - my agnosticism/skepticism simply won't allow my brain to succumb. It was just all-around weird. I held Kenobi tight, pet her, talked to her, and gave her kitty-kisses until she calmed down and relaxed in my lap on her own free will. The terror has subsided, as she is now lying next to me in bed, chewing on the edge of a comic book.
The three gouges in my thigh are still burning. I pointed to them and said "Look what you did!" She replied with a somewhat mournful "Mew" and rubbed her face against my knee.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
"Simply the thing that I am shall make me live"
Merry Christmas, all.
In the season of giving - what is the greatest gift you've received? Was it draped in ribbon and finished with a bow? Or was it something in the air - someone's presence, perhaps? Was it a smile - or a hug - or the tingling you felt when weaving your fingers with another?
Personally - I've been given more gifts in the past few months than I feel I deserve. At times, I wonder how I was lucky enough to find myself on a path with so much potential for growth. Amidst many accomplishments, the greatest one remains finding something worth patience and an open mind - two things I lacked my entire life. I'll admit that at 25 years old, I feel like I'm breaking out of a very thick shell. It is this feeling that has left me stumped in many ways. Where I would be churning out extensive blogs - I stare at blank screens. Though I've maintained a steady research/writing schedule - it's not been the quality that I'm used to producing. I thought I was suffering a massive writer's block for the past few months, but I've come to understand that I'm emotionally overwhelmed - and for the first time in my life... I'm alright with that. It's simple - and that's ok, too.
I'm simple? Never. Friends and family, I'm certain, would disagree. Everyone around me - literally my entire life - has viewed me as this complex creature full of odd quirks and arguably inane pet-peeves. But recently, someone found something steady within me - something calm, and lacking maintenance. Yet again, the boat rocks. The brain labors to wrap itself around this conceptual oddity.
It really leaves me without words. Anything else - I can fill pages. This? I...
*sigh*
Whatever brought you happiness this holiday - I hope you continue to reap its rewards long into the future.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
HxC
An old friend of mine sent me this photo early this morning:
It's almost six years old, if my memory serves me correctly. I miss those shoes. I don't miss smoking milds, though.
Looking at this picture makes me think about personal growth - how we make it from several point A's to innumerable point B's. Who is at fault for our transformation - and is it always positive, even if it feels like an internal betrayal?
Are you truly responsible forever for what you tame?
It's almost six years old, if my memory serves me correctly. I miss those shoes. I don't miss smoking milds, though.
Looking at this picture makes me think about personal growth - how we make it from several point A's to innumerable point B's. Who is at fault for our transformation - and is it always positive, even if it feels like an internal betrayal?
Are you truly responsible forever for what you tame?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Bionic woman syndrome
People ask me all the time, "How do you manage to never get sick this time of year?" It seems that every year here in the midwest, when the roads start to get slippery and the green grass is coated in white - all the splendor of the season is masked and mired by sneezes, sniffles and hacks. I always have a difficult time sympathizing with illness because it never happens to me - and the truth is, I really don't have some sort of special secret to immunity. I have an immune system equivalent to group of navy seals - and if I had to pick a couple reasons why that might be, I guess I could give it a shot.
*Food - EAT IT!
I am incredibly picky about what I ingest. I've had a few years' worth of nutritional science classes and I keep regular tabs on health-related news from credible sources. I try to enjoy as much organic food as my budget will allow - but most of all, I just steer clear of eating foods that are obviously processed (like anything from a fast food establishment or most restaurants.) Yes, I do eat out on occasion, but I am careful about that too.
I make sure to eat a lot of fiber, and a lot of vegetables. I've found that after about a month of having a TRULY balanced diet, one loses the need for artificial uppers like gas station caffeine pills and Redbull. I say that specifically because even though I've always had an arsenal of good information about health, only in the last year or so have I actually been taking my own advice. While in undergrad, I lead a pretty unhealthy lifestyle. Though I never ate fast food, and didn't consume sugar - I still had three specific habits that lead to obesity:
1) Very little sleep
2) Skipping breakfast and eating late
3) Artificial everything
Granted, I really didn't get an opportunity to sleep much. When it came to my academic lifestyle, I took every hour I could squeeze from the day in order to create great work. All hours of the night would be spent consuming redbull, chainsmoking and writing/researching. It paid off, but my body suffered in the process. I stayed up too late, and woke up too early - never had time to eat breakfast and found myself gorging on food late at night just to stay fueled.
Over the last year I've come to realize that none of that is an excuse for poor living. Next fall I'll be a graduate student, and I will have even more on my plate in the academic world than ever before. The main goal is obviously to kick academic ass - but the equal and somewhat more challenging goal is to stay fit and healthy while doing it.
So, ultimately my advice is - no matter what, eat food and eat it frequently. Eating less does not equal losing weight - and trust me, if you're reading the right advice, you can find that published everywhere. Eat foods that fill you up - my favorite are green beans. Grab a can, and it's an easy 80 calories with 0 fat or cholestorol and a TON of energy believe it or not! I'm also a huge fan of oatmeal as a mid-day snack.
*Exercise - MOVE IT!
Buy a bike. Right now. Ride that bike. As often as possible.
I simply can't put enough emphasis on how biking improved my mental and physical health. There is something about the experience of being out on your bike, exploring an entirely different commute (even in areas that you thought you were familiar with.) Not to mention, a half an hour on a bike burns an average of 500 calories (More than double what a half an hour running on a treadmill can do!)
Do yoga. Seriously. I used to think it was lame and yuppie-ish, too. Get over it.
Yoga works. It pulls at areas you thought you weren't born with - and it relieves all those anxieties that riddled you throughout the day. Forget 100 crunches - six yoga moves and you can feel your abs and I bet you'll start working your ass off to see them, too.
Run nowhere.
I love my treadmill. I use it at least 5 days a week. It's the best way to start the day, and also gives me the opportunity to catch up on my political podcasts.
And if you can't manage any of that? I don't know what to tell you. Movement is a huge part of my life - I love any excuse to stay active. Sometimes my passion for reading and writing get in the way of how I would rather be at the sportsplex playing drop-in hockey or volleyball. I can tell you though, that if you move more you'll have less time to acknowledge illness and you'll be less willing to let it run its course.
*Happiness: SMILE!
You're alive - that's already enough to be thankful for. But, I suggest you figure out all the things and people that make you happy - and surround yourself with them as often as possible.
Find people who make you smile, effortlessly - it's the greatest gift you could ever receive.
Open your heart and your mind to what makes you a better human, to what improves the quality of your life.
Observe how you feel around certain people - and act on that. Always tell the poeple you love that you appreciate them, and do things for them to show those emotions. Send them gifts, write them letters, make them things, hug them, talk to them - any and all of it.
Indulge in activities that make you feel complete and successful. At all times have a goal, and work towards it a little every day.
Don't let debt stress you out. Everyone's in debt. If it's not a house, it's student loans. If it's not a car, it's credit cards. Regardless of whether or not you owe on something you regret years later - everybody owes. Try to take your everyday woes and universalize them - understand that you're not alone, and find comfort in that. You will be alright - even when you feel like it's all against you.
Happiness is contagious. Trust me, I've learned this lesson a little late - but it's one that I am very, very thankful for.
It is my belief that Food, Movement, and Happiness are the reason I remain healthy. Yes, we all have our days of desolate feelings and we all get grumpy now and again - but ultimately once we embrace our imperfections and allow people to love us for who we are, health radiates from the inside, out.
*Food - EAT IT!
I am incredibly picky about what I ingest. I've had a few years' worth of nutritional science classes and I keep regular tabs on health-related news from credible sources. I try to enjoy as much organic food as my budget will allow - but most of all, I just steer clear of eating foods that are obviously processed (like anything from a fast food establishment or most restaurants.) Yes, I do eat out on occasion, but I am careful about that too.
I make sure to eat a lot of fiber, and a lot of vegetables. I've found that after about a month of having a TRULY balanced diet, one loses the need for artificial uppers like gas station caffeine pills and Redbull. I say that specifically because even though I've always had an arsenal of good information about health, only in the last year or so have I actually been taking my own advice. While in undergrad, I lead a pretty unhealthy lifestyle. Though I never ate fast food, and didn't consume sugar - I still had three specific habits that lead to obesity:
1) Very little sleep
2) Skipping breakfast and eating late
3) Artificial everything
Granted, I really didn't get an opportunity to sleep much. When it came to my academic lifestyle, I took every hour I could squeeze from the day in order to create great work. All hours of the night would be spent consuming redbull, chainsmoking and writing/researching. It paid off, but my body suffered in the process. I stayed up too late, and woke up too early - never had time to eat breakfast and found myself gorging on food late at night just to stay fueled.
Over the last year I've come to realize that none of that is an excuse for poor living. Next fall I'll be a graduate student, and I will have even more on my plate in the academic world than ever before. The main goal is obviously to kick academic ass - but the equal and somewhat more challenging goal is to stay fit and healthy while doing it.
So, ultimately my advice is - no matter what, eat food and eat it frequently. Eating less does not equal losing weight - and trust me, if you're reading the right advice, you can find that published everywhere. Eat foods that fill you up - my favorite are green beans. Grab a can, and it's an easy 80 calories with 0 fat or cholestorol and a TON of energy believe it or not! I'm also a huge fan of oatmeal as a mid-day snack.
*Exercise - MOVE IT!
Buy a bike. Right now. Ride that bike. As often as possible.
I simply can't put enough emphasis on how biking improved my mental and physical health. There is something about the experience of being out on your bike, exploring an entirely different commute (even in areas that you thought you were familiar with.) Not to mention, a half an hour on a bike burns an average of 500 calories (More than double what a half an hour running on a treadmill can do!)
Do yoga. Seriously. I used to think it was lame and yuppie-ish, too. Get over it.
Yoga works. It pulls at areas you thought you weren't born with - and it relieves all those anxieties that riddled you throughout the day. Forget 100 crunches - six yoga moves and you can feel your abs and I bet you'll start working your ass off to see them, too.
Run nowhere.
I love my treadmill. I use it at least 5 days a week. It's the best way to start the day, and also gives me the opportunity to catch up on my political podcasts.
And if you can't manage any of that? I don't know what to tell you. Movement is a huge part of my life - I love any excuse to stay active. Sometimes my passion for reading and writing get in the way of how I would rather be at the sportsplex playing drop-in hockey or volleyball. I can tell you though, that if you move more you'll have less time to acknowledge illness and you'll be less willing to let it run its course.
*Happiness: SMILE!
You're alive - that's already enough to be thankful for. But, I suggest you figure out all the things and people that make you happy - and surround yourself with them as often as possible.
Find people who make you smile, effortlessly - it's the greatest gift you could ever receive.
Open your heart and your mind to what makes you a better human, to what improves the quality of your life.
Observe how you feel around certain people - and act on that. Always tell the poeple you love that you appreciate them, and do things for them to show those emotions. Send them gifts, write them letters, make them things, hug them, talk to them - any and all of it.
Indulge in activities that make you feel complete and successful. At all times have a goal, and work towards it a little every day.
Don't let debt stress you out. Everyone's in debt. If it's not a house, it's student loans. If it's not a car, it's credit cards. Regardless of whether or not you owe on something you regret years later - everybody owes. Try to take your everyday woes and universalize them - understand that you're not alone, and find comfort in that. You will be alright - even when you feel like it's all against you.
Happiness is contagious. Trust me, I've learned this lesson a little late - but it's one that I am very, very thankful for.
It is my belief that Food, Movement, and Happiness are the reason I remain healthy. Yes, we all have our days of desolate feelings and we all get grumpy now and again - but ultimately once we embrace our imperfections and allow people to love us for who we are, health radiates from the inside, out.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Culture-shock therapy
It's a true gift to have someone in your life who, through their own open mind, encourages you to open yours. It's beautiful to trust someone so much that you not only feel safe with them at all times, but you have this sense of faith that they would never steer you wrong.
Never in my life have I ever felt so comfortable letting my guard down and my biases slip.
Expanded horizons.
"Just trust me. I've never given you any reason not to."
That's love.
Never in my life have I ever felt so comfortable letting my guard down and my biases slip.
Expanded horizons.
"Just trust me. I've never given you any reason not to."
That's love.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Creep-magnet
That's me. Like moths to a flame, I swear - every time I turn around there's some nasty creepshow drooling over me. I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to men.
The ones I fall for either:
A) Have a shit ton of issues (i.e. head cases)
B) Carry enough luggage to fill the belly of a 747
C) Want something, but don't want it all
The ones that want me are either:
A) Too young, too immature or a careful combination of both
B) Dirty white trash losers with a tattoo fetish
C) Just flat out boring.
If it's not some skeezy truck driver at work, it's something like what happened tonight.
I dropped in to Wal-Mart earlier to pick up my prescription. Whenever I have to make a trip to the cesspool that is Wal-Mart, I'm in there for 10 minutes TOPS. With as much haste as humanly possible, I returned to my vehicle. While buckling my seatbelt I noticed a piece of paper under my windshield - couldn't be a ticket, too small to be a flyer...
So I stuck my hand out of the window, popped the wipers on and after snatching up the mysterious paper...
I began to laugh uncontrollably.
The first thing that popped in my head (after noticing his awful grammar) was "Doesn't this guy know we have the internet for stalking and all other creep-tastic endeavors?" I almost wanted to give the guy credit for being so old school in all of his weird/lurkish behavior. It's sort of... purist in a way.
However, his poor grammar wasn't the only factor working against him. The note was scribbled on the back of a McDonald's receipt. Poor grammar + shitty diet + bad execution = DOES HE SERIOUSLY EXPECT SOMEONE TO CALL HIM WHEN HE DOES THIS SHIT?!
Even more weird? The McDonald's at which he purchased that meal? On 9 mile rd in Eastpointe - directly across the street from the home of one of my ex boyfriends.
The whole thing makes me laugh... and cringe... and place palm to forehead, wondering "Why me?"
The ones I fall for either:
A) Have a shit ton of issues (i.e. head cases)
B) Carry enough luggage to fill the belly of a 747
C) Want something, but don't want it all
The ones that want me are either:
A) Too young, too immature or a careful combination of both
B) Dirty white trash losers with a tattoo fetish
C) Just flat out boring.
If it's not some skeezy truck driver at work, it's something like what happened tonight.
I dropped in to Wal-Mart earlier to pick up my prescription. Whenever I have to make a trip to the cesspool that is Wal-Mart, I'm in there for 10 minutes TOPS. With as much haste as humanly possible, I returned to my vehicle. While buckling my seatbelt I noticed a piece of paper under my windshield - couldn't be a ticket, too small to be a flyer...
So I stuck my hand out of the window, popped the wipers on and after snatching up the mysterious paper...
I began to laugh uncontrollably.
The first thing that popped in my head (after noticing his awful grammar) was "Doesn't this guy know we have the internet for stalking and all other creep-tastic endeavors?" I almost wanted to give the guy credit for being so old school in all of his weird/lurkish behavior. It's sort of... purist in a way.
However, his poor grammar wasn't the only factor working against him. The note was scribbled on the back of a McDonald's receipt. Poor grammar + shitty diet + bad execution = DOES HE SERIOUSLY EXPECT SOMEONE TO CALL HIM WHEN HE DOES THIS SHIT?!
Even more weird? The McDonald's at which he purchased that meal? On 9 mile rd in Eastpointe - directly across the street from the home of one of my ex boyfriends.
The whole thing makes me laugh... and cringe... and place palm to forehead, wondering "Why me?"
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